My Battle

You often hear of massive negative events being the inspiration for change in one’s life. Which sounds backward, why would, and how can someone create a positive out of a negative? I have been wondering lately, why do people do that? Why is it that some terrible, or horrific situation makes or breaks someone? But just as a bushfire is a catalyst for seed pods to burst and the soil to become more fertile so that new trees may grow, maybe that is what one of these experiences is meant to do. Maybe it is supposed to wake our true selves up out of our slumber and take on the world with a new mindset and some new values and metrics to live our lives by.

I don’t like talking about my brief touch with cancer as I see it as me being a victim and me, to put it bluntly, being a little bitch. But I can truly state that I was one of those experiences that changed my life for the better, fuck it was hard and I am thankful it was. Making me more aware of myself, and how precious life is, and understanding that I had the real possibility of dying and that death is something that will eventually happen to all of us. Understanding that I, as much as everyone in this world, has the ability to overcome any obstacle in our way. Also came to the realization that I have to pursue the things I want in my life, the people I interact with, the jobs and hobbies I have a passion for, read and listen to the people that inspire me, never stop wanting to learn and most of all to help out those who are going through rough times, and to bring everyone I possibly can up in life from dark places. I do want all of you reading this to succeed in life, however, you want to measure success by. You have to command yourself to get it, it will not come to you if you sit idle.

In February of 2016, I woke my Mum up in the middle of the night to let her know that the pain from my stomach was not going away. She had me call up nurse on call, the lovely lady on the other side of the line told me to get to emergency quick. So, we rushed off to the hospital, where I got diagnosed and the next day I was operated on. Appendectomies seem to run in the family, my father and his father had them done around the same age (21). I get out and everything is all well and good, I go on with my life, work, study, hang out with mates, plan for the next ski trip. A couple of months later I get a call while I’m at work. To give you some perspective, I’m in the middle of this soon to be estate on the northern outskirts of Melbourne. The next paddock over is this beautiful green field and small hills were in view, the skies were an ominous dark grey. In that moment I had never felt so small. When the words “We found a tumor in your appendix Carlos – Blank,” hit my ears, it felt like a scene from a movie, the hills kept getting further away and I felt how insignificant I was in the big schemes of the universe. I asked if he could repeat what he said like there was static, but I knew what he said. My workmate asked if I had seen a ghost, I told him that it was my surgeon, he joked if he was calling because I had cancer, he knew how to lighten the mood. I told him that he was bang on the money. I thank him for being a stand-up guy and taking the edge off a bit. I called my mum to break the news I am sure she never wanted to hear. The possibility that her son had cancer.

I count my blessings that I come from I unbelievably strong family, where there is so much love, power and ability to not falter. One where we really pull around those coming down on hard times, I thank my friends that were there when I needed them most, and to my bosses for not treating me any different thank you. So, began the long weeks of not knowing what the fuck was going to happen to me, all I knew was that I was going to win. For the first couple of weeks, I was fucked around by the public health system, from one surgeon to the next, all not giving me a clear answer or direction on what to do next. Thankfully my current surgeon took the situation on and set me straight. The long weeks of going in and out of waiting rooms for blood tests and scans and other procedures were hard, but being around my friends and family, working, studying and training, all helped me keep my mind off the grim situation at hand.

The results came in, no further tumors, however, since the tumor in my appendix was larger than the threshold, the collective of doctors decided to perform a precautionary surgery. I would lose the right third of my large intestines. What would be the life-changing event was booked in. I was upbeat leading up to the date, with the snow season around the corner, and if all goes well I might be able to hit the slopes at the tail end of the season. My surgeon rings me up the week before surgery and says she has come down with horrible flu-like symptoms and will have to push the surgery back a few weeks. The news bums me out for a bit since I won’t be making it to the mountains this season. But hey, I’m still alive and well. So, three weeks later I’m getting ready for surgery, got enough clothes for what will hopefully be a short three to four-night stay. All the procedures before surgery go well, and now I’m surrounded by doctors and nurses and I slowly fall asleep.

I wake up to pure white and an indescribable pain, I take a breath but get nothing, I cough to try to clear my throat. More pain, some red splatters the white background. Is that my blood I’m coughing up? I can’t stop coughing, more red. I hear someone yell “hold on to this as tight as you can.” I grip on to what I assume was a pillow, I hold on for dear life, coughing and blood and pain. All I could think was not today motherfucker, not today. I must’ve passed out because the next thing I know I wake up in the intensive care unit. My lovely mother and father greet me, as I started to come to. I am hooked up to a lot of machines and there are tubes in and out of me. A nurse lets me know that I am hooked up to morphine and I can press a button when the light goes green if I am in a lot of pain. I don’t think I stopped pressing that button for the first couple of days. I had trouble breathing, every movement hurt and all I wanted was to go home. I get a visit from my surgeon, she tells me that the surgery went well, however, there were complications at the end when they were removing the tube from my throat, she told me that I had inhaled a lot of blood and that I would be monitored before being allowed to leave. Two days later I was moved to a normal recovery room, where I could have visitors.

I am thankful that some of my friends came to see me and keep me from going insane. If you are reading this you do not know how much it meant to me. All the ones that didn’t go but sent best wishes do not feel bad, it is life, things come up and I know that everyone has their own problems that need sorting out. I do not view you any less and love you all the same.

I could not eat until my digestive system had rebooted, and I could not leave until I had shown that I had stabilized and the pain had subsided a bit. I can’t remember much of the first couple of days due to the morphine removing not only the pain but my ability to process what was going on. After a few days of rehab and exercises to open up the lungs and get me walking, the tubes and machines slowly disappeared to other patients more in need of them. I made it my mission to get out of there as soon as I possibly could. If they wanted me to be able to walk one loop around the small rectangular complex I would try to walk twice around. If they wanted me to do a few exercises I was going to do them to the best of my ability, whatever it was I was going to smash this. Once I stopped using the morphine as much I became more of myself, I tried to make the situation as light as possible, Yeah, I almost asphyxiated myself, but I was going to press on. After seven days I finally got out. My parents said that they were not too far away from picking me up, so I signed myself out after getting all my stuff together and headed down to the lobby. I was so ready to leave that I was waiting for them, but it didn’t matter, I was out.

The first meal outside of the hospital will forever stick in my mind. It was probably the biggest burger I have ever eaten along with a creamy milkshake, I paid for it later but it tasted so good. It’s the little things in life that create happiness, I try my best to not take them for granted. Shout out to one of my best mates who swung by and picked me up. Love you man. After two weeks of sitting at home not really doing anything productive, I told work that I wanted to start. I said that I will need to be on light duties, and they made it so I was needed. It was the best thing for me to do, it kept my mind off the pain, and allowed me to feel valued. Get on with life, because it won’t slow down for you. A month later I was cleared to start working out again, building back the strength was challenging but the experience made me really appreciate gym more, not being able to work out sucked balls, and whenever I catch myself whining about it I remember that specific feeling of pushing out that first rep since surgery and how good it felt.

Through the process I did not tell many people, I felt like I would burden them with my problems, or I would seem like I wanted some pity love. From the few people I told, word spread and many would come up to me and ask how I was going, many would send me well wishes and often would ask me why I didn’t tell them. I suppose in a world where everyone posts what is going on in their lives, I felt like I didn’t want to place my problems out there. I felt as though I could press on through the suffering by myself since it was only me who was experiencing it. I also hate being in the spotlight. I had many great chats with people who had been through similar circumstances, it was an uplifting feeling, that so many people cared and shared stories with me. It made me realize that I was a little bitch for thinking that only I was suffering. I often feel that most people put into these situations feel the same and tend to bottle up emotions. I know I did. It was a few months later when all the pain really came out, to the only person who I could really show how hard it was. I had to be strong for everyone except dad, he has been one of my greatest role models and best mates. On that day I let my walls down for a brief minute. It felt good, I guess I never spent the time to really address my pain. From then on, I would try my utmost to check in with myself and I started to become more aware of myself.

Like everyone I had good days and bad days, I would catch myself thinking why me, why did this happen to me. After putting it into perspective, I am still alive, my life is not that bad, I have a place to sleep, food to eat and things to do. Others are not so fortunate. All you can do in these situations is to push through. No one is going to make you feel better, you have to push yourself and break through the uncomfortable pain and suffering to get to the other side. The mindset I had through the whole process was to make sure that I never let it get the best of me, some days were harder than others, but I would do my best to rise above the situation and learn from it. It has taken me almost two years to put all this into words. And really start living my life by my own values, do the things that interest me, understanding and overcoming my fears, and changing my life. Asking out the girl of my dreams, starting BJJ, reading more, listening to the things I like, spending time with close friends and family, starting this blog, putting myself in uncomfortable positions that will eventually help me grow as a person. I know this is a long read and if you have made it this far thank you. I hope you all reading this can take something from my experiences and apply it to your life, remember it starts with the mindset. Create good out of the bad, use it as fuel, live your life your way and push through the uncomfortable. Life is a journey, make it your own.

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Thank you again, and see you on the mats.

 

Edit – Follow-up post of what I learned in posting up this story of my battle.

I got my first stripe! So did she!

This past week I received my first stripe, my partner joined the one stripe club not long after, the first of many. It has been nice going in as much as we possibly can, and the hard work has paid off, both of us only starting just over a month ago. The journey so far has been unending fun, with taking every class as it comes and trying to make the most out of the time there, learning asking questions, getting tips from our rolling partners. It has been great seeing her grow and prosper, she listens intensely and is always asking questions, more than me, funny enough! The process of learning BJJ has been fun and you can always pick something up when you are repeating a class. I have made a few friends and using my own tips have connected with them well and have maximized my learning, asking questions and focusing on the little things. My training partners have been amazing at helping me learn and have been able to answer most of my questions when I have needed a better understanding of the move. Obviously, when they can’t, Robbie has been there to help.

Since I had a few double up classes, I was able to train and help teach my SO(significant other), it was a new experience which was fun and challenging. I want her to be the best that she can, however at times had to pull myself up on going too fast and slowing it down for her. I still need to work on being clear and concise in teaching, as I would often rush the explanation on the topic and my SO would not fully understand the move or section of the technique. Luckily, she learns in a similar way to me, which is by doing it and then drilling it, so I don’t have to change my teaching style too much. I know I have a long way to go but I thought I would give an update and put my thoughts out. Thanks for reading.

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See you on the mats.

Currently reading: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers

 

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Just giving an update on the books I am reading. I have dropped back down to one book as University has begun and I will need the time to be able to fit it all in. Will post a review later this month depending on when I finish the book, and if my university workload allows it (which it should).

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See you on the mats.

Positivity is bullshit, stop looking for it.

Positivity is bullshit, you can’t go looking for it, you aren’t gonna find it in some video of a guy, who you know is a douche, spouting out shit from his mouth of how you can make it, you can do anything. You aren’t going to find it in a personal trainer to help you lose weight, or a teacher at school telling you that you aren’t living up to your potential. The problem is, you won’t. Unless you have the conviction to get up out of bed at 5 in the morning every morning, no matter how tired you are or no matter how bad you feel, you never will get out of the warm bed. So, stop searching for positivity.

So, you ask, how do I make changes in my life to become more positive or better? A simple way to put it. Just start doing it. But its more than that. You have to do it in a way where it becomes a habit, where it makes you feel like shit that you aren’t getting out of bed, but instead wasting away beneath a blanket of bad discipline. You have to make that value change, where you value the benefit of doing the thing that you want to do, over the fear of not doing that thing. It can be getting up earlier or losing weight, running or stretching more, starting that new hobby or writing that book, starting that business. Whatever it is, you have to take full responsibility for it. Because no one will make you do it. So, stop watching that motivation video and start doing. It has been some of the best advice I have received and I will relay to others. Just start. Actions speak louder than words, don’t be that guy or girl saying that they will do this or that, be the person who is already in motion to reach their dream. I know that there is a lot of bullshit motivators out there, I was sucked into that vicious cycle of going through YouTube vid after YouTube vid, not actually doing anything. I would watch three 10-minute-long videos before going to the gym, as I look back now I think “fuck man, that was a waste of time.” I was that guy who would say “oh yeah I was thinking about doing that thing,” or “Yeah I want to do this.” What snapped me out of it was multiple factors that only I could experience for myself, I had to go searching for it, I myself had to find it all on my own. Once I took on the responsibility and stopped blaming people, situations, and life events, that is when I was able to set myself free. Free to realize that I had faults. Free to understand I have room to grow. And free to know and learn that I can change.

I know a lot of people in my life who are afraid of change, and in some circumstances so am I, however, I recognize it and am now able to work on my shortcomings. As they say, the first step is admitting there is a problem. For the people on the outside the problem is easily identified, but for the person who has the problem, it is extremely difficult for them to detach from the situation they find themselves in. When the person on the outside tells them that there is a problem they, dig their heels in and defend their position heavily. This is hard for people on the outside to be conscious about since they want the best for the person. However, for the person, they usually see this as a personal attack on them and their values. It is easier for a person to admit there is a problem when they tell the truth, as when you tell the truth to others one usually tells themselves the truth. I have often seen it in people who are addicted to something, drugs, work, a bad relationship, you name it. They lie to their friends and family and end up lying to themselves to get more of the substance they are addicted to. Once they finally admit that they have a problem, that is when they search for help and a way out of that addiction. Sometimes, unfortunately, the addiction takes over their lives and when they finally realize that, it is often too late. Losing friends and family, bad health, and a range of other consequences. Sometimes they are able to pick themselves up and repair all that has been broken but most cases can never see a way out of the darkness, and resort back to the addiction.

By listening to and reading about the right people to construct some values from, not for motivation, but to learn from their mistakes and from their experiences. I have been able to overcome many obstacles.Whether it be illness, not wanting to commit to anything, getting up and into the gym, losing weight, being a better person and always striving to become the person I see myself becoming. I hopefully can make an impact on someone and help them out, However, this is as much for you guys reading as it is for me. Taking responsibility for my actions and values and how I measure my life has allowed me to change for the better. I would like to think that by becoming an example for people, that they will also change for the better, because if your winning then I am too. I have changed one person’s life, now I hope I will affect more. So start doing, the positivity will come. The more you don’t care about being positive the more positivity you will receive.

So, get up, turn off this device and get after it, keep hammering, just do it, whatever phrase you want to use and change your life and those around you.

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See you on the mats.

Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

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I have just finished The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, written by Mark Manson. It is one of those books that challenges one’s views and has changed my life for the better. Manson is a writer that gives life and relationship advice on his blog which has hundreds of thousands of monthly viewers, found at https://markmanson.net/. In a world that says that you should always be happy, you should aspire to be this and have that. Where success is only measured by money and how much shit you have, a house that the bank owns and a car that you can’t afford. Manson gives the reader an operating system to work off and use throughout life. By learning where to give and not give fucks.

 

First Manson starts with changing your view of yourself, not putting so much pressure on yourself but also being okay with where you are currently. Starting by being comfortable with yourself as being a failure, in the sense that in societies terms of a failure. Someone who isn’t always positive. The current culture that is so obsessed on being happier, healthier, smarter, faster, richer, sexier, etc. Part of being comfortable with yourself is that you should avoid searching for success defined by other’s values, society says your success is measured by your happiness or determined by how much money you make/have.

So instead of searching for happiness or success, one should solve problems that come up in life. If you don’t like the job you are in move on to another firm or change careers altogether. If you are in a toxic relationship that is weighing you down or causing you stress, leave them. However, being able to understand that once you solve a problem then other problems will arise. Changing jobs, for instance, you have to write up and distribute your resume, then having to let your current employer know that you will be looking at leaving, then once you get into the other job getting to know how they operate and making new work relationships. To get out of the toxic relationship, you have to make the hard decision to leave, then you have to deal with adjusting without them which won’t be easy but you will ultimately benefit in the long run. “Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.”

 

When you start searching for happiness and you often get into, what Manson describes as, the feed-back-loop from hell where you are sad, then wonder why you’re not happy, then you are even sadder because you aren’t happy and so on. One way to combat this loop is by not giving a fuck and applying the backwards law as stated by Alan Watts, a famous philosopher. Which, is the idea that the more you chase something or want something to happen the less likely you will achieve that thing as it reinforces that you lack that thing. The law is:

“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”

Therefore, you have to not give a fuck about being successful, same goes for being happy, don’t care about not being sad. Once you do that then you might start to give a fuck about more important things.

Blaming others for your suffering and pain is a quick high, you feel good for doing it because it isn’t you, even though most of the time it will be your fault.

“People deny and blame others for their problems for the simple reason that it’s easy and feels good.”

The root problem will still persist, however, only when you realise that life is suffering then you can deal with the problem. So, one has to learn how to effectively deal with pain and suffering, by sorting out and solving the problem that life or a situation is throwing at you. Manson integrates the story of the young prince who became Buddha, who had many realizations one being that life is suffering, where “The rich suffer because of their riches. The poor suffer because of their poverty.”

Manson moves from the spiritual and philosophical reasoning of Buddha to a more biological one, where suffering is ‘nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change.’ When we are hungry we eat, when we are tired we sleep. Obviously to higher degrees of dissatisfaction. “it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work and innovate and survive.” Pain is the body’s most effective way to initiate action. An example would be when you have known about an assignment or a project for a while but only really start and complete it when it has been left at the last minute. Obviously, a bad example but you get the point. Pain and suffering are good and should be used as fuel to drive your actions.

Understanding that life is suffering, not every day can be a sunny one, however, it is up to the individual to not run from their problems but solve them. Blaming others for your circumstances is only a quick high, and only serves to make the problem persist. The only way you will change your situation is by facing the problem head-on.

 

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck is a hardcore book. One I enjoyed reading, learned a lot and has changed a lot of my views and way I conduct myself in life. Manson does a great job of giving readers a healthy reality check letting them know that they are not special and that you must tackle your problems head-on. Failure is just the process of getting better and that everyone suffers but it’s up to you. It is not a book about not giving any fucks, but one where you choose where you distribute the fucks you give and to only things that matter to you. “a simple way of reorienting out expectations for life and choosing what is important and what is not.” Manson has produced a great read. One I needed. And one I recommend for everyone to read.

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See you on the mats.

My tips for beginners of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

Thought I would share some tips that have helped me in starting out.

  • Leave your ego at the door.

This is a must, you are the littlest fish in a very large pond. If you want people to help you out, don’t be a douche bag and think you don’t need help. I assure you, you need all the help you can get. And plus, why do you want to be known as the dick new guy? So, if this is a hard thing for you to do, you might find it hard finding good training partners who will gladly answer your questions.

  • Ask questions, lots of questions.

Now you have left your ego at the door, you can feel as stupid as you please. Ask, ask and ask some more. There are always little things that you may have missed, or small tips that can be passed down to you from the more experienced students. Also in asking questions, you don’t look like a dick-know-it-all, so effectively in a roundabout way you reduce the effect of your ego.

  • Be a sponge.

Even if ask all those questions, you must still absorb the information that you will be receiving, I find it easier when the technique is performed on me, but everyone will have different ways of learning and absorbing information. So, for example you might like your partner to mirror the move and you follow along with them, or maybe you can get enough from just watching and drilling.

Adding to that, really pay attention to your coach/instructor. They have the most knowledge in the room, so pay attention to what they say and do, ask them a question if you don’t understand how they did something. If you are having trouble while drilling the move ask them for some extra help.

  • Go at your pace.

Just because you see someone else nailing the takedown or the armbar, doesn’t mean you need to match them. Most of the time you will miss key steps and little things like foot and hand placement, and you will have the chance to learn bad habits to make the technique work. If, however you get a move down quickly that’s fine to. But do not try to match someone else’s learning ability.

  • Have fun.

You don’t want training to become a chore, so have fun, crack jokes, laugh and don’t take it too seriously. Learn and prosper and help others do the same.

  • Interact with the other students.

Well you have to do this one, since you can’t train by yourself! Ask them questions, what they do, how they got into jiu-jitsu, etc. because most of the time you might find out that you share a few interests. Boom! New friend.

  • Bring a mate along!

Since sharing is caring, why not bring a friend or someone from your family. I believe Jiu-jitsu is for everyone. There is no shape or size you have to be, you don’t have to be a super athlete or a freak who is into hurting people. You can be past your prime or shy, everyone can gain something from it. Share the love of the BJJ family, because it’s too good not to share.

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See you on the mats.

Books I am reading at the moment.

Currently I am reading ‘The Barefoot Investor, Scott Pape’ and ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, Mark Manson’. I will post reviews on both and any follow ups I want to add.

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See you on the mats.20180210_162957

My first 7 classes

My first 7 classes have been life changing and amazing, with great people helping make each class enjoyable and allowing me to go at my own pace. I try to ask as many questions as I can, and am not afraid of looking like an idiot, as everyone that teaches you was once were you are. I have made a few good connections with some there, however I will say that when looking for a partner I have been the one to initiate the contact on some occasions. I am not sure if they would rather just drill the move compared to teaching it to me as a new student, where I will stop and ask questions. Of course, once we get into the swing of class everything is fine.

Like everywhere in life some are slightly better teachers than others, of course I do not hold any bad feelings to anyone as we are all in this journey together, learning and teaching one another. I like this system as most of the time I can see when they themselves don’t quite have the technique down and make their own adjustments. This of course comes to the point that you can grasp a better understanding of the move when you are teaching it to someone else, as you must explain the technique to someone with no prior knowledge, in turn allowing you to think about how you perform the technique.

Maddie and myself have bought 15 1m x 1m mats and have been cleaning and trying to figure out where to put them. I am looking forward to practicing with her and will post any tips I find with rolling with your partner/significant other.

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Starting New things

Recently I started Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I have absolutely loved it, classes are fun and challenging and they have inspired me to start a blog (along with some other factors).

Why start a blog?

To get my thoughts out onto paper (screen). But also, to share my experiences and thoughts about subjects that I enjoy doing and ones that interest me. Topics may include, Jiu-Jitsu, books I am reading, gym, study habits, diet etc.

What got me into BJJ?

Well let’s start with my first look at BJJ, my first contact with the world of BJJ was during one of the first UFC’s I ever watched. I couldn’t tell you the date or the fighters, or anything about the fight. I was just puzzled by how someone could get taken down so easily, then give up an arm to be taken home with the winner. Luckily Joe Rogan was commentating and mentioned how the other fighter had superior Jiu-jitsu, so this stuck in my head.

Coming from the traditional martial arts background of Tae kwon do, where I learnt how to defend against such attacks, this made the loser look like he had never trained. Which of course I knew that he had trained for several years longer than I have. Which made me think about if my martial art was ineffective, I then moved to Muy-Thai and realized that I had much to learn. Due to many reasons, I stopped training all together and have not gone back since.

It has taken me this long to act on starting training due to many things I thought were ‘good reasons excuses’ but ultimately it was up to me to steer my ship to the course I wanted (thanks Jocko for the kick in the arse). I will say the few factors that convinced me to start, one was listening to Joe Rogan, who then had two on, Jocko Willink, as a guest, and third was my current partner. The latter of whom I have convinced to start with me.

What do I aspire to do with BJJ?

My first goal as always is to just learn about the sport, I will not place any other goals or give any maybe I want/will do that/this at this point in time. So, I will aim to be a sponge for as long as I can.

Where do I train?

I train at Gracie Jiu-jitsu Burwood. Website: https://graciejiujitsuburwood.com.au/

My first lesson.

My first lesson was on the 30th of January 2018, once Robbie had given me a little demo, I was partnered with a blue belt who was good at teaching a new student. I noticed that the class is very informal, almost a complete opposite of other disciplines I have learnt. Lots of students were conversing but complete undivided attention was given to Robbie when he would show us a variation of the technique. Shrimp escape and body fold take-down were the techniques of the day.

I also found the curriculum is not a daunting task when it is broken up into the 23 classes, that can be done in any order, in any time. Which as a beginner made it more welcoming, overall most of the students are polite and kind and are happy that they can share something like jiu-jitsu with someone else.

Getting your significant other to join you.

Well to be honest I almost convinced her not to go. I got home after my first lesson and I didn’t shut up about how much fun I had and how much fun she is going to have. She got a little discouraged when I said that she should go in and try to learn as much as she can and that she would have to check her ego at the door, I forgot to check mine, this caused her to doubt herself. I noticed my lack of judgement and promptly apologized. Luckily, she proved me wrong and has been awesome.

Before that however, giving her the reason why she should start is the most important piece of information you can give her. Letting her know how she could benefit from it. Try either of these:

  1. Indirect approach:

You: “Have you ever thought about what you would do if someone grabbed you from behind?”

Her: “No, I have not.”

You: “Would you ever consider learning a martial art to prepare you for a situation like that?”

Her: “Well now that you mention it, I could learn something that would help me.”

  1. Direct approach:

You: “Hey these are some benefits of doing a martial art: good for fitness, self-confidence, knowing how to defend yourself, new friends, (anything else you can add). Would you come to one lesson with me and if you don’t like it I won’t mention you doing a martial art again.”

Her: “Okay, I will come.”

In the direct approach, be sure to not be overly aggressive, that’s why I would suggest the indirect approach. No need to give her the spark for the BJJ flame with a flamethrower. Of course, I would suggest you make your own version that would suit your need. Could be to get your child or friend into it.

Boom! You got her in for one lesson. So now what, first let your coach/instructor know and they will put her with a good training partner and now stop worrying about it because it is out of your hands. The worst thing you could do now is constantly check in on her during the class. Hopefully she has fun, learns something new and the BJJ flame within her is set a light.

On the Path

I know I do not have much experience yet, but I will post as much as I can. And if I am able to help one person out with any subject I post about then that’s a bonus. Please follow and leave a comment for any questions and feedback.