Why the change?

I have recently changed the name of the site to carlosygoa.com since I felt that readnroll.blog limited me in what I could and could not post about, I am in no way shape or form moving away from what I have been doing. This is just an update about the change. I Hope that you all understand.

Thanks

Carlos

Change, Fear setting and how to apply it

Change, Why do we fear it? I am currently going through some changes in my life, new values and new ways of thinking, I have recently been thinking about following a dream and doing things that I feel like I need to do. However, I am over thinking what might happen, what terrible things could come of my decision. I remembered from a book a read last year, The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss, about fear setting, so I searched it up. I reread the chapter where he talks about how he came across it and how he utilizes it quarterly. So, I thought I would give it a shot, why not see if I can come to some conclusion about how I should think about the current situation I am in. I set out my fears, all of them, the most horrible and the ones that will impact me the least. From friends and family disowning me, to me getting injured or killed. Then I put in place steps on how I would repair any “damage” that might occur, for instance, I would have to wait a year till I could go back to what I was doing, essentially what would I have to do to revert the changes.

Next outlining the possible outcomes and benefits on each path that I could take at this current decision point. How much happiness could I possibly get from staying? Doing fulfilling work, like writing more for this blog, what would I get or achieve for staying or leaving? Next outlining what would happen if I got fired from my current job. Laying out possible other sources of income, how many weeks could I survive without income? Would I be able to find another job? Would I be able to use savings for a little trip? Setting out possible outcomes and benefits helps you understand that your decisions, either path you choose has upsides, making both win possibilities. Helps in choosing the better win scenario for you. A big fear for everyone is getting fired, so laying out what if options for yourself puts into perspective that getting fired isn’t that big of a deal in the long run. Looking at the negative and turning it into a positive. You get fired, cool I now have more reason to chase my dreams and succeed with this chip on my shoulder. (chip on shoulder not necessary)

What am I putting off because of fear? This is one of the most important questions to answer when fear setting, as you have to really dig down into your reasoning and the excuses you are setting up for yourself. I can’t leave her/him because I don’t know how I will survive without them, I can’t ask for a raise because what if they say no, I can’t do this because of that. You get the picture. Once you lay out the illogical reasons behind your excuses, you can comprehend just how stupid your excuses are. That you can do those things that you want to. Ultimately only you are stopping you. Once you have seen the stupidity in your fear ask yourself what is it costing me? My lack of action against my fear, how is it affecting me and my life at the moment? I am I as happy or fulfilled as I could be? This helps in highlighting the fear of inactivity, What do you stand to lose if you don’t make a decision? What will you regret not doing? As they say, you regret the thing you didn’t do.

Once putting your situation into context and labeling and setting out all your fears, the final question to ask yourself is: What am I waiting for? Once having deconstructed the fears that would usually seem overbearing and too big to overcome, they now seem easily avoidable or non-threatening. The fears become only excuses that you set for yourself, having the ability to look at the big picture and step back from your situation, allows you to clearly think about what to do next and how you plan on achieving whatever outcome you choose to follow.

Fear setting is a tool that I will continue to use going forward, helping me make clear decisions and giving me the capability to deconstruct my situation and reduce my fear to excuses. I will include the layout and questions below for you to copy and paste if you wish to try it for yourself. I do hope you try it just once to see its effects. However, this tool will only work if YOU put in the work and make it actionable, no one will do the work for you. Remember this can be used for any situation, hopefully, it will help you out to come to a more informed decision.

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See you on the mats.

 

FEAR SETTING:

Write out the situation that you are currently in:

Where are you currently? What are you doing? And What are you planning/wanting to do?

  • Define your nightmare:
  • Repair the damage:
  • Outcomes and benefits:
  • What if I get fired?
  • What am I putting off out of fear?
  • What is it costing me?
  • What am I waiting for?

 

What to take from ‘My battle’, You are Valued.

I sit here at my computer the day after I posted my account of my battle with cancer, absolutely gobsmacked by the response. Just over 450 total views of the article, a few Facebook shares and over one hundred likes, multiple comments from friends and family on just my FB post, not to mention the others. I never, in my wildest dreams, would have thought that I would be able to produce such an impact. So, I sit here wondering, why do we devalue/undervalue ourselves? Why don’t we think that we can make some form of good change in our own communities? We live in an age where we are so well connected, but no one truly is connected. I mean it in the sense where we all look at our screens wherever we go, we share photos of holidays but don’t share experiences, Maybe I am just not listening as well as I should be. Maybe I have only just realized that, Yes, the world is in a bad shape, but really, we live in the best time to be alive. Yes, there are bad things happening, we choose to listen and be angry at the world. Maybe because it is so much easier to be angry and blame others for what is happening, that we have forgotten that we have the power. The power to listen, the power to choose how we react, the power to change what we can to make life a bit more bearable, as Buddha said, “Life is suffering.”

I know that everyone reading this has, is or will suffer at some point in their lives, be it abuse, losing a loved one, financial crisis, whatever it is everyone will experience some form of suffering. So, it is no good to get into a pissing match arguing who suffers more, we should understand that everyone has their own trials and tribulations and we should be sympathetic. However, we must not focus on other people’s problems before our own. I have my problems that I am striving to work out, and I know I am and will never be perfect in any sense of the word, but I will do my best to achieve that. There is no reason as to why you can’t too. I fear the spotlight, I do not like getting told that I “I am courageous” don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the compliments, and know that it is to do with opening up about a very vulnerable period of my life. But I will always feel that there are many more brave and courageous people who are more deserving of the title. Military, Police, Doctors, Nurses, Firefighters and many other people, who are in the profession of saving lives. But maybe I am courageous, but if I can be, then so can you. Don’t devalue yourself because you don’t think that you have nothing to offer because I am sure I could learn something from everyone I meet. I can learn to become better at your specialty, you can teach me about something you love, even my enemies will have something that can teach me.

To continue from Buddha, Friedrich Nietzsche said, “if to live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” So, find that reason. It might be for your kids, maybe it’s for a hobby, maybe you want to help people, maybe you have a story to tell that may inspire others, maybe you can help those going through something and not expect anything in return. Tell your story! I didn’t post my battle for the likes, follows, or admiration, I posted that to let people know that they can push through hard times, that life is hard, but you have to create something of it. I have found, that writing and sharing my experiences has helped me grow and give some meaning to why I had to go through that, who knows, I could learn and be inspired by something you post. We can and should learn from each other, I thought that I could go it by myself in a lot of circumstances, however, I have recently come to realize that I don’t have all the answers, but they are out there. When a student is ready, a teacher will show up. Well for me that has been podcasts and books. I listen to podcasts of people I admire, I read books by people who have a greater insight than I do, I do things out of my comfort zone. All these things help me grow and teach me. I hope that one day I can become the person I have envisioned for myself. One that helps those in need and one that never stops wanting to learn. So, put value to your name, share your experiences and help yourself out first. I know it sounds stupid coming from someone who still hasn’t gotten their own shit together, but it’s as much for you as it is for me. YOU ARE VALUED!

Please like, comment, share and follow.

See you on the mats.